"Union Depot," a Hidden Movie Gem

The two Daisy's, aka prostitutes, Jill Dennett (left) and Mary Doran in 1932s, "Union Depot," seen scouting out the arriving fleet of sailors at the depot.

This movie has a lot going on. Douglas Fairbanks Jr. and Guy Kibbee play two vagabonds who steal a violin case full of money, and when Fairbanks falls for Joan Blondell, the story really starts to cook.  

Joan Blondell rocking the hat in "Union depot 

Blondell as Ruth in "Union Depot"  

Down on her luck Ruth, Blondell is desperate for fast cash and agrees to have sex with Fairbanks for the right price, and he's more than willing to do the dance with no underpants with her. At the last minute, Blondell can't hook herself, and Fairbanks still agrees to help her out with her financial woes. 

"Union Depot" is a very clever love story, and definitely not a Steo typical Hollywood love affair. When Fairbanks gets involved with Blondell, he's also forced to deal with her psychotic stalker. Fairbanks is also accused of murder and counterfeiting large sums of money. On top of all this, the armed owner of the cash wants his stolen loot back. 

The tangible endeavors of reciprocated love mixes well into this crazed cocktail of an intricated storyline.       

"The more you see, the more you wanna see," Fairbanks said to Blondell in the above picture. Drama and comedy worked extremely well in this four-star Pre-Code classic. Where I'm going there ain't no winter, snow or ice, only beautiful gals singing love songs Kibbee said in a drunken Stuper. 

Mark Izzy Schurr   

A Modern Moron Vintage Movie Review

 

Grand theft, excessive boozing, prostitution and murder seeps into the tangible and cerebral joys of reciprocated love between the two genders in 1934s, "He Was Her Man."

This was the last of seven movies James Cagney and Joan Blondell made together and it didn't disappoint. Cagney is Flicker Hayes who is released from prison and his former baleful cronies want him dead. The first picture above is Joan Blondell from this film, explaining why Hayes (Cagney) falls in love with her. 

Rose (Blondell) is set to marry her fiancée Nick, then she meets Hayes, and becomes his cover for the men wanting to kill Hayes. The killers are looking for a single man, not a couple. Blondell and Cagney settle in a coastal town near San Francisco, where her future husband Nick lives. Nick is a fisherman so he's gone a lot, and Hayes doesn't object! 

The first time I watched "He Was Her Man," I was pulling for Blondell and Cagney to end up together. Flicker Hayes falls fast for Rose, and it's clear she likes him as well, but she also wants to marry Nick. The story is perhaps as old as time itself, two men who want the same woman, and she truly likes them both. 

Which man winds up in the throngs of love, complete with all the lascivious and delicious desires granted by the babe Blondell? The storyline is very solid, even today, and "He Was Her Man" is a true Pre-Code Hollywood classic  Three stars easy for this after hours vintage black and white movie. 

Mark Izzy Schurr    

Cosmic Conundrum

Given the power to murder on a planetary scale, Morg is a manic without conscience or restraint. His power coupled with his depravity makes him the most dangerous creature in the universe. Morg has begun his trek throughout the cosmos's as he journeys to Earth, and thus the romance between Shalla-Bal and the Silver Surfer is immediately halted. (Ron Martz) 

Behold Shalla-Bal. She treads upon a world of withered weeds and ashes, but the touch of her foot turns weeds into flowers and where she faces, the sun shines. The gift she has brought is the gift of life. Though my body returns to its prison Earth, my heart will be with her forever. (Essential Silver Surfer, vol. II)

The people who like me the most don't even know me. The writers and artist do their artwork and create stories only I like, and I really appreciate this!  

Mark Izzy Schurr

 

Santa Sensation

 More than seven decades upon its release, 1947s "Miracle on 34th Street" has definitely withstood the test of time.

To this day, "Miracle on 34th Street" is the most original story of Santa Clause I've ever seen. Santa Clause portrayed by Edmund Gwenn has been in and out of mental institutions because he claims to be the actual Kris Kringle, and he's deemed non-violent with a delusion for good.

Natallie Wood was 8-years-old in this movie and like her screen-mother, Maureen O' Hara, she doesn't believe in Santa Clause. O' Hara plays Doris Walker, the department store manager who hired Kris Kringle and soon questions her own choice because she doesn't want her daughter Susan (Wood) believing in Santa Clause, and the new Santa she hired is very convincing or perhaps the real Santa himself which makes for a great family Christmas tale.  

Kris Kringle (Gwenn) becomes the New York Macy's department store Santa Clause and Mr. Macy himself doesn't care that his new Santa thinks he's Saint Nick himself, but Kringle ends up on trial for lunacy.

The New York Supreme Court judge and Mr. Macy themselves are extremely reluctant to claim there is no Santa Clause in a court of law because of the ramifications it might cause in the world of business. 

Lawyer Fred Gailey defends Kringle and uses the U.S. Post Office as competent authority that Santa Clause does indeed exist. Four stars easy for this Christmas classic. 

Mark Izzy Schurr 

    

Debauchery & Debacle in "Bad Santa"

This 2003 R rated Christmas movie is two years away from officially being a classic. 

I've watched this movie every year since its release, and I still laugh out loud upon every viewing. 

Tony Cox and Billy Bob Thornton are thieves who pose as an Elfe and Santa Clause during the Christmas season so they can rob various department store safes every December. The above picture is the actor Brett Kelly who plays the bullied Thurman Merman in "Bad Santa." 

Willy (Thornton / bad Santa) and Merman become adult and child counterparts. Upon their first meeting Thornton asks if he was dropped on his head, and Merman replies; "How could they drop me onto my head?"

"No, not onto your head, goddamn it, are you fucking with me?" Thornton said.

Bad Santa is very blunt with the kid Merman and says he got sick because he loved a woman who wasn't clean, so yes, this movie is not fit for all ages or those opposed to crass and dirty humor.

The sexy Lauren Graham is the one adult who has the potential clean up the booze laden bad Santa and restore some conscience in his soul. John Ritter did a fantastic job as Bob Chipeska, the department store manager. 

Chipeska, (Ritter) is a very straight-laced fellow who refuses to cuss or talk about sex candidly, and this adds to the guffaws in this flick. Chipeska frequently tattles on bad Santa to the store's security chief Gin, Bernie Mac who also nailed his role.  

Lisa Ross is the one stripper, Tiffany who is topless in "Bad Santa," and Thornton asks her if she wants to play hide the Nazi, an obvious reference to intercourse. Excessive alcohol use, fornication, nudity and profanity are needed in "Bad Santa" just as it's needed in "Animal House." Four stars easy for this movie. 

Mark Izzy Schurr     

   

A 1980s Christmas Flick Reviewed

This 1983 comedy works for me because of the interaction between the actors Don Ameche, Denholm Elliot and Eddie Murphy. 

Ameche and Denholm portray the Duke brothers who own and run the Duke and Duke investment firm. The two Duke's make their Usual Bet wager on human nature. Randalph (Elliot) bets his brother Mortamer (Ameche) that a homeless hustler (Murphy) can run their company as well as their nephew Lewis. (Dan Aykroyd) 

The two Dukes arrange a devious destruction of Lewis's life, and put Murphy in his place, complete with Lewis's job and his house for no valid reason, other than a stupid bet, and the comedy begins. 

Ameche, Murphy and Elliot 

       The above photo is from "Trading Places." In this scene the two Duke brothers are explaining to Murphy what exactly their company does. The Duke and Duke company invests in many products including wheat, coffee, pork products, gold and citrus goods. The look on Eddie Murphy's face is priceless when Elliot talks about bacon, which he says may be found in a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich. The below picture of Murphy says it all. 

Christmas for me is a great time to watch various holiday films regularly during this time of year, and "Trading Places" always works for me during the holidaze! Three and half stars for this vintage flick. 

Mark Izzy Schurr 

A Modern Day Two-Reeler Reviewed

 "Santa's Village of the Damned" makes me laugh out loud every time I watch it, and I view this episode a lot this time of year. 

In this episode of TVs "Two and a Half Men," Alan's (Jon Cryer) new girlfriend moves in with him and his brother Charlie. (Charlie Sheen) Charlie, the owner of the house doesn't like the fact she takes over the house, but soon changes his mind when he gets a taste of her home cooked meals. 

When Alan first brings Sandy (Josie Davis) over to the house, he is excited when telling his brother, she's the complete package for a relationship; beauty, sex, cooking and laundry. Charlie responds; marriage, boredom. alimony and death. 

This modern day two-reeler is a Christmas laugh fest. At first, Sandy is the perfect woman for Alan, and her house-keeping and cooking prowess cover up the fact that she is an over-bearing entity who actually believes in Santa Clause and her sexiness has a hidden wrath in a comedic way. 

  

I learned the term 'two-reelers from watching Laurel and Hardy films. Once upon a time movies were made with actual film on reels. One reel of 35 mm lasted about ten to 12 minutes. Most Laurel and Hardy movies were approximately 18 to 22 minutes long, thus their movies were on two reels, hence the term, 'two-reelers.

Without commercials, the vast majority of shows from "Two and a Half Men" are 20 to 22 minutes long and that's why I call them two-reelers.

"Santa's Village of the Damned" is a four-star Christmas comedy that is well worth watching for the holiday season. 

Mark Izzy Schurr