"Dr Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine," A Modern Moron Movie Review

Simone O. Elias said the 1960s beach flicks, particularly the ones with Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello haven't withstood the test of time. She also said these movies were objectifying, yet liberating for women. 

"Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine" was not specifically mentioned in Elias's book "Old Films Young Eyes," nor is it a Beach Party movie, but it's the same genre and contains a lot of bikini clad ladies. 

Vincent Price portrays the titles villain who assembles a legion of robots guised as luscious ladies. His robots target extremely rich men, get them to fall in love, and then persuade the men to sign over their fortune to Dr. Goldfoot. The star robot, Susan Hart, mistakenly targets Frankie Avalon, a pauper according to Dr. Goldfoot. 

A true cult classic? A movie so terrible it's great? Who am I to praise or pan? I can't honestly say I liked this flick, but I've watched it multiple times and I always laugh at Avalon's government job title; SIC. 

With pride he's told he's a member of the Secret Intelligence Command, "You're a SIC man!" 

Susan Hart seizing her victims attention.

Dr. Goldfoot's robots programed to be gold Diggers. 

Three and half stars because this Reel-Ality is a pleasant escape from the current ills of reality. It seems like the world is plunging further into a nose dive with every single news headline, but there's always hope, Simone O. Elias said. 

Elias shares her wisdom and film knowledge in her book, "Old Films, Young Eyes." In the book she reviews Pre-Code Hollywood flicks, movies from 1930-1934 and 1960s films. Her insight on Reel-Ality and actuality makes absolute sense, she's clear, consise and insightful in her reviews. 

Mark Izzy Schurr   

  

The 2026 Olympics, Captivating Reality TV

 

I was blessed to watch Alysa Liu live, the Bay area sensation on ice win the gold medal in this years winter Olympics. 

Alysa Liu-Min-Nating lived up to the hype. She needed a perfect performance to defeat the two ladies from Japan, and she did just that a broadcaster said. However, if Japan's Kaori Sakamoto had won gold or even Mono Chiba, I wouldn't have been shocked. I got the Alysa Liu-Min-Nating from a skating broadcaster.  

"She skates with so much freedom and wild abandon, throws herself into these jump, she's a veteran and has the experience," an announcer said about Sakamoto who place second to Liu with a silver medal. 

Sakamoto, right after finishing her performance on ice to seize the silver medal. 

The Bronze medalist, Mono Chiba was also a sheer pleasure to watch. Everything she does is done with precision and accuracy, a broadcaster said about Chiba. One thing is certain to me, I wouldn't want to be a figure skating judge. Chiba, Sakamoto and Lui are all first place podium pythons in my opinion. 

Prior to this years Olympics, I never heard of Alysa Liu. She's only 20, and like Chiba she won back to back world champion in figure skating before the age of 20.  

Lui retired from the sport when she was 16, obviously came back to skating at the highest level. After winning the gold in February she said; "I don't feel the pressure, I don't care about competition results. I skate now to show my art, and that was art," Lui said. 

Oakland native Alysa Liu after winning the gold 

There were 351 events during the two weeks of the Olympics and my favorite sports besides the women's single skating events included the doubles figure skating competition and the men's and women's hockey gold medal matches, both against Canada. I'm no hockey fan by any stretch of the imagination, but it was a sheer pleasure to watch the women play the Canadians from start to finish. I even called out from work to watch the USA gals play Canada live and wow, what a game. With just over two minutes left in regulation, America trailed Canada 0-1. USA's leading scorer Hilary Knight tied the game in regulation and the American ladies went on to win in sudden death with a 2-1 victory over the Canadians, the same score as the men who also won in overtime against Canada. 

The cross country skiing showcased the endurance and stamina needed for the athletes who participated. 

The uneasy covenant between the mind and body. Can the mind overcome the pain of the body? You perform beyond the pain...an indelible snapshot of determination, was said about USA's Jessie Diggins, a skier. 

Another skier who put her signature on February's Olympics was Italy's Fredera Brignone, who broke her leg 10 months before the Olympics and won the gold medal in women's Super G. I saw the replay of Brignone breaking her leg in the spring of 2025, and it hurt my leg just watching. Seeing her seize gold in February was sports magic.

Ninety-two or 93 countries participated in this years winter Olympics and before the games in February I never heard of the county Georgia which is in-between Russia, Turkey and Armenia, and to its west, the Black Sea. Several of their athletes impressed me, especially figure skater Anastaiia Gubanova. I think she placed 14th overall and in my mind she should have been on the podium for a silver or bronze medal, again, I wouldn't want to be a figure skating judge.

Georgia's Anastasia Gubanova after her fantastic Olympic performance. Fourteenth place? She got robbed. 

The perfect mix of technical precision and beauty, figure skating capture's the magic of allure and the passion of precision. 

"So much dimension to their skating, technically they were machines tonight," a judge said. The level of sportsman ship is the best I've ever seen, another one said during the women's Short Skating event. 

Participating in her 23rd winter Olympic's, USA's Lindsey Vonn acquired a silver medal, while the American snow boarder Chloe Kim clinch a spot in the next winter Olympic's by winning her third world title in snowboarding.

Speed skater Jordan Stolz seized the gold in the 500 and 1,000 meter races. Stolz and Eric Heiden are America's only two time gold medalists in speed skating. Stolz also got a silver medal in the 1500 meters race, becoming the only Olympian to win speed skating medals in the 500, 1000 and 1500 meter races in the same years Olympics.  

I watched the entire gold medal game of the USA women and most of the men's game, also against Canada. I'm no hockey fan by any stretch of the imagination, I don't dislike the sport, it's just not for me, but wow, both matches were a blast to watch. 

The USA women, after defeating Canada 2-1 in overtime for the gold medal.

Seven of the last eight gold medal games in women's hockey have been between America and Canada. This year's American team featured 12 new players to the Olympics.

During the entire history of the winter Olympic's the Canadian women's team has only lost four games, including this year's gold medal loss to the Americans. The USA ladies also defeated Canada 5-0 in this year's preliminary round in the Olympics. The American gals have handed Canada all four of their Olympic hockey losses including the 1998 gold medal match. 

Bravo to the women's hockey gold medal team for declining their invitation to visit America's shame. Months after winning the gold medal, Trump launched America into an unjust and unprovoked war. On day one, more than 100 Iranian girls between the ages of 7 and 12-years-old were obliterated by a U.S. Tomahawk missile. 

  

Trump touting "Praise be to Allah. Tuesday will be power plant day and bridge day all wrapped up in Iran. There will be nothing like it. Open the FUCKING straight you crazy bastards or you will be living in hell!!! Just watch! An actual Trump tweet on Easter Sunday. This is not America, but the Olympics are. 

Mark Izzy Schurr

"Ready or Not 2 Here I Come," A Modern Moron Movie Review

 

"Ready or Not 2 Here I Come," is a sensational sequel to its predecessor. 

In the first movie Grace, portrayed by Samara Weaving marries into a family richer than God while running a Satanic cult, to say the least. Upon the marriage, Grace knew nothing of the Satanism in her grooms family. On her wedding night she is the intended prey in a lethal game of Hide and Seek. All the security camera's are turned off and she is given time to hide any where in the massive mansion. A Nineteenth century pistol, a modern one, a hunting shot gun, cross bow and a scythe are some of the weapons used to hunt the newlywed. The reasoning behind this baleful insanity is to preserve their immortal souls for Lucifer himself. If she is not sacrificed before dawn, Beelzebub himself will eradicate the entire families bloodline.  

If you haven't seen either movie I'm not going to reveal vital spoilers, but in the first flick, surprise, she survives until dawn and the Bible's Dark Lord indeed destroys the entire family and its bloodline.   

"Ready or Not 2 Her I Come" begins exactly where the first movie ends. Now there's four families left who want to sacrifice Grace to Satan. This time around Grace's sister inadvertently gets involved. The two sister's must combat a small army of slow witted Satanist eager to murder them. The sequel expands on the story. There are ways for Grace and her sister to survive without violent mayhem, but is it worth it?     

I'm already excited to own this flick on Blue-Ray disc accompanied by the amazing sound of Dolby Atmos. To some this movie might be an over the top silly action flick, but for me, it raised the questions; How evil is big money? Are there supernatural forces? Just movies I know, but the realms of fact and fantasy seem as vast as infinity.  

Four stars easy for "Ready or Not 2 Here I Come." Samara Weaving is simply amazing in both films. When her sister pulls shards of glass from Grace's (Weaving) arm, the wincing and her eyes of agony display Weaving's acting prowse. I felt the pain of Weaving's suppressed screams when a boy blows a hole the size of a silver dollar through the palm of her hand. In too many action / horror flicks, the actors are sub par at best when it comes to displaying such pain. Weaving also showcases her allure and power in Hulu's "Eenie Meanie."

Mark Izzy Schurr

 

"Old Films, Young Eyes," A Modern Moron Book Review

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Films are an effective way of teaching young people about the past in an entertaining way, Simone O. Elias said, the author of "Old Films, Young Eyes." 

Elias shares her impressive and enlightening knowledge of Pre-Code Hollywood, which began in 1930, the same year sound on film became mainstream. Luring ladies such as Clara Bow and Ginger Rodgers embraced the tangibles of life while ignoring the Christian critique of their time. Bow and Rodgers blind sided the censors with lurid and lascivious story-lines in their movies.  

Elias, like myself is a fan of Clara Bow and Ginger Rodgers, both pictured above, Bow on the left and Rodgers on the right. Elias writes detailed information on the two. She also reviews two of their Pre-Code flicks and why vintage films remain relevant.   

Bow's silent features have held the test of time such as "Capital Punishment," "The Plastic Age," "Hula," "Wings," "My Ladie of Whims," "Black Oxen," and "It." These movies merely tinge the surface of Bow's immortal personality and allure on and off the screen. In 1925 or 26,' Bow appeared or starred in more than two dozen feature films.  

"I'm gest a woiken' a gol," Bow said to journalist's in the 1920s. 

Prior to Clara Bow, women's sexuality in the movies was non-existent. This was the B.C era of Hollywood; Before Clara. I got the B.C. reference from David Stenn's book "Running Wild," the biography of Clara Bow. 

The clever and sometimes crazed plots detailing free sex, and indulgent vices have withstood the test of time. Elias, the 15-year-old author of this book reviewed 1932s "Call Her Savage," starring Clara Bow, arguably the inspiration for Betty Boop. Bow was a dominant box office draw during the Roaring Twenties. Betty Boop was created in 1930 and in July, 1934, her garter was forced to disappear and her skirt was drawn closer to the knees. 

Thou shall not show women in scanties or lingerie was just one of the many things written into Hollywood law midway into 1934, officially ending the fabulous four year run of the Pre-Code flicks. Ridged rules were literally written biblically, such as the above. 

These old films are objectifying, yet liberating for women, Elias said. Elias is correct, many early 1930s films portrayed women as independent, smart, sly and sexy. 

Anna May Wong, as pictured in "Old films, Young Eyes." 

In "Call Her Savage," Bow is seen in a diaphanous blouse without a bra, and Ginger Rodgers is a teenaged flirt who drinks in 1934s "Finishing School Girls." Bow, nor Rodgers is punished for their sins upon the ending of these movies, a big no-no for films made after July, 1934.   

Elias reviewed "Finishing School Girls," starring Ginger Rodgers. Rodgers portrays a smart young woman, free from the uptight expectations of society. She acts and behaves on her own terms, Elias said. 

"Old Films Young Eyes" is so much more then what I've said. Elias not only reviews "Call Her Savage" and "Finishing School Girls " in detail, she also mentions an array of many more Pre-Code flicks and talks about 1960s films, her personal life, politics and so much more. 

From 1890 to the 1920s there were more female film makers then there are today. Elias writes in-depthly about the screen-writers and directors, Alice Guy Blache,' Lois Weber and Frances Marion. Alice Guy Blache' made the first ever film to tell a story, 1896s "The Cabbage Fairy." Until I read this book, I thought the inaugural story telling film was 1903s "The Great Train Robbery." Blache' was also the first female to operate and control her own movie studio, Solax Studios in New Jersey. 

Films before "The Cabbage Fairy" were mostly magicians, disappearing acts and dancing. Alice Guy Blache said women can master every technicality of the art of movie making...Acting, painting, music and literature. Women have long held their place among the most successful workers...Scores of women are not found among the most successful creators of photo drama offerings. This is an actual quote from Moving Picture World in 1914.   

Years before 1920, writer and director Lois Weber made feature films such as "Where are My Children?," "The Hand That Rocks the Cradle," "The Blot," and "Hop, the Devil's Brew." Weber addressed the need and political controversy over birth control, voting rights and poverty in her films. She also showcased the ills of alcohol and drug addiction more than a 100 years ago in her films. 

Screen-writer Frances Marion was the highest paid writer in Hollywood for decades. She wrote more than a 130 movies, including films with Shirley Temple, Marion Davies and Greta Garbo. 

The great grand uncle of Simone was black listed by Hollywood. Like Simone, he was Jewish. She details how black and Jewish actors, screenwriters, directors and musicians were black listed by Hollywood in the mid 20th century. "Old Films, Young Eyes" is laden with a bevy of enlightening information. 

My favorite parts of the book entailed her talking about Clara Bow and Ginger Rodger. Simone mentions several Pre-Code flicks I've seen multiple times. 

"Gold Diggers of 1933" is a Pre-Code cliche' of women's bodies, drinking, gold diggers and portly men in three piece suits and dance numbers existing only to show off women's legs and women hanging out in their underwear half the time, and my favorite, women tricking men to get money and status, Elias said. She describes this movie with aplomb detail. Ginger Rodgers has an amazing voice and sings brilliantly in Latin, the song "We're in the Money." Pictured below is Joan Blondell, my favorite Pre-Code babe. Joan Blondell and Ginger Rodgers were sensational and funny as showgirls in"Gold Diggers of 1933".

 

The Book, "Old Films, Young Eyes," is only a year old and refueled my fascination for these films. Claudette Colbert, pictured below was another lady of lure who pushed the skin bearing envelopes in mainstream movies. Some people collect vintage cars, I collect vintage movies, especially Pre-Code films.

 

I own a geekish amount of Clara Bow and Joan Blondell DVDs, along with several other starlets from nearly a century ago and because of "Old Films, Young Eyes," I will aquire some Colbert movies I've never heard of before I read this book, particularly "The Wiser Sex" and "Man of Manhattan."  

Thank you so much Simone, this afternoon read I took weeks to finish was amazing. Four and a half stars easy for this 2024 book. Instagram; @teeneagegoldenage and teenagegoldenagebook. Bravo Simone, not even old enough to drive, yet your wisdom far surpasses mine.

"Being a teenager means being hopeful, cynical, ambitious and risky, Elias said. 

Mark Izzy Schurr

 

 

   

 

  

 

"Big Business Girl," A Modern Moron Movie Review

 

Loretta Young, the star of 1931s "Big Business Girl" is alluring and enlightening, and confirms what Simone O. Elias and myself already knew about Pre-Code Hollywood; it showcased women as whimsical and determined. 

Fifteen-year-old Simone O. Elias, the author of "Old Films, Young Eyes," said women of the Pre-Code era portrayed females as smart and geared for success, not her wording, but I clearly understood her amazing point. Hopefully, I give Elias the justice she deserves when I write her book review.

The Pre-Code era was brief, but brilliant. These vintage flicks ran from 1930-1934. These movies, including "Big Business Girl" contain timeless and potent subject matter. 

"Big Business Girl" is not some lame boy and girl love each other tale. Young decides to move to New York without her beau upon her college graduation in business. He wants to go with her, but she convinces him to go to Paris to pursue his career in music. When their both successful, they'll get married is her plan. He reluctantly agrees to her terms, and the long distance realationship begins. 

She's determined to get work in the field she acquired in college to pay off her $2,000 student loan. Her lover dropped out of college to play music. What happens is movie magic, or at least a film that has withstood the test of time. Dreaming youthful hearts journeying for their passions. 

Four stars easy for "Big Bisness Girl," a movie which solidifies Loretta Young as an iconic actress. 

Mark Izzy Schurr   

    

"Apes And Monkeys," A Modern Moron Book Review

 

If you have read this book, you'd know approximately how many species of monkeys there are and the exact number of of apes, chimpanzees, gibbons, the smallest of apes, orangutans and the largest of the apes, the gorilla which is bigger than the largest monkey, the baboon. The monkey family has approximately 130 different species.  

Apes, monkeys and people are primates. Humans, like the apes and monkeys have thumbs large brains and eyes positioned on the front of our heads and we all have social lives.

   

This book has details on the endangered species of various types of the 130 or so different breeds of monkeys and the people working to save these amazing creatures. 

Some types of monkeys make various types of footwear to protect their feet from thorns and other hazards of the jungle and wooded areas of Africa and parts of Asia. 

This book was written by John Grassy. He acquired his facts from Colleen M. McCann, PhD Wildlife Conservation Society. 

This 1997 book is great for readers of all ages, and the pictures are fantastic, four and a half stars easy for this book. 

Mark Izzy Schurr

"Bobby Fischer Teaches Chess," A Modern Moron Book Review

 

A Little Libraires gem, "Bobby Fischer Teaches Chess," and if you read this book, you'll learn advanced strategies, or at least know what an interposition move is, and which is the best one to use in various sceneries. 

Personally, I rummage through the book, and set up my chess pieces from various games laden throughout the book and play myself. 

This book is for those who don't know a single thing about chess and for those who play in tournaments, and as stated in the book, you'll learn how to play winning chess, but not as good as Bobby Fischer.

"Bobby Fischer Teaches Chess" tells the reader how to mate in some situations but in most cases he doesn't, he makes the reader think for themselves. Most of the time, Fisher has lay-outs from real championship games and other situations and simply poses the question; can white mate? Can black mate? What's the first move for white or black to begin the mating process. Can white / black mate in one move in this set-up? 

Fischer won his first United States Chess Championship when he was 14-years-old, and after winning that game in 1957, known as The Game of the Century, he went on to win or draw every single match he was in for the next four years.

Four and a half stars easy for this Little Libraies gem.

Mark Izzy Schurr